Giving Up Is For Life - Not Just For Lent

My friend Hannah found herself inspired by my blog and recently created her own to raise awareness to chronic illnesses in general, and to discuss her own conditions. You can find her here: http://theretiredbridgeburner.blogspot.co.uk/

She made a post yesterday talking about the things that she has had to give up doing or have restricted her from being able to do. Instead of writing a comment, I thought I would talk about things that have impacted my own life from having severe eczema.

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Socialising

This is one of the things that has affected me the most, and is especially bad during periods where I'm at my worst. It's also these times when you find out who your real friends are as when you're on your own for what feels seems like a constant basis you become incredibly lonely and this can be self destructive if you let it be. A simple "how are you today?" suffices, as although you know you'll probably not be alright, having someone asking means the world, as it means they're thinking about you.

Akin to this, when I am at my worst and unable to leave the house but have made plans for certain events, having to cancel can be excruciating. It causes worry on my behalf that I'm letting the other people down, which in turn makes me worse, but if I do go to these events when I am experiencing a flare I know that it will cost me days to repair myself again.

Since having become allergic to fur bearing animals this can also be difficult as well as it means I am unable to go to other people's houses for fear that I will suffer a severe allergic reaction. Many people don't seem to consider the idea that I may require hospitalisation if a reaction was to occur and so I tend to have to skip events or ask for a more neutral setting which can cause unnecessary stress on both parts. It's also a real shame because I love animals, especially cats :(

Exercising

I've never been big on exercise but having heat induced urticaria has made it so much worse. Even walking around can be difficult, especially if I need to go up a hill. (I'm looking at you Lincoln Steep Hill!) Even swimming, which I used to do a hell of a lot of as a child, is out of the question as the chlorine affects my skin something chronic. It actually feels as though I'm having acid chucked at me and the drying-out of the skin affect is tenfold. Not ideal.


Going to Gigs/ Festivals

This is another one that saddens me. I used to give my all, sing and dance along to my faves like a complete loon, often while getting drunk. This just can't happen any more. Gigs are such hot and sweaty environments as it is without adding extra annoyances to my skin. So nowadays I tend to be selective of the gigs I do attend. Not just because of the effects on my skin, but also the driving factor... I get so tired, not necessarily because of the medication I take, but because of the level of bad health I have anyway.

Festivals are also a complete no-go for me now. Or at least the camping side of them. I've been attending Bloodstock Open Air since 2006 with 3 of the years being bearably fine to not have a shower everyday. Since my eczema took hold I can't even go a single day without washing the build up of skin and such off my body. I was fortunate to find a cafe nearby that offered a shower, albeit a rather disgusting shower, but it was still a step up from the portable ones at the festival. The lady who worked in the cafe was completely understanding about my condition and allowed me to have my showers for free. She is a complete sweetheart and I always attempt to pay her a visit for a nice cooked breakfast!

It's not just the shower aspect that does me in, it's the heat and humidity of the tent that also messes me up and the fact that I can't stick to strict routines with my skin. I mean, it takes me hours to get ready when I'm bad anyway so to add all the festival factors into the mix just isn't possible.

I now stay in a hotel.

Intimacy

I find intimacy to play a huge part with my skin. The heat of another person, even just sharing a bed with me is often too much to bare. Luckily we now live in a large enough house that if I am having a bad turn, which seems to be at least once a week right now, then Shane has somewhere else to sleep.


Work

When I was younger I was pretty manic. I woke up at 6am every day, went to college for 9am, picking friends up on the way, where I did an intense Foundation Art course, finished at 4:30pm, and worked until 10pm most nights of the week. Now I'm lucky if I can get through a 6hr shift at work. It really saddens me that I'll probably never be able to carry out a full-time roll again as I'm not one to want to sit on my backside day in, day out. I want to be out there making my own pennies, getting the most from life... but it just isn't meant to be :(


What I Can Wear

Back in't day I used to be somewhat of a Goth. I used to frequent corsets and long floaty skirts, adorned in black and dark colours. I had black hair and a face full of make up. I miss that version of me. I was a shy girl but my clothes didn't say that at all. Ah well.

Nowadays, although I still have something of a penchant for black clothes I tend to avoid them unless I'm having a good skin day because the skin dandruff can be pretty damn embarrassing. I also find that I can't wear scarves or necklaces because they irritate my neck something chronic. Annoying because I have a massive collection of gorgeous necklaces that I just stare at in wonder and lust! I also have to avoid light or pastelly colours generally as these also highlight my condition which is annoying because they'd mask the dandruff!

I also can't wear much make-up any more. Liquid liner and eye shadows are certainly out of the question as they now cause burning and weeping of my eyelids. Foundation just clings to the flakes and exacerbates the situation so that is also a no-go plus I think it is better for the skin to breathe. Nowadays I will wear mascara, brow pencil and a teeny bit of eyeliner at the edges of my eyes, but even then sometimes I can't do that either.

Crafting

I absolutely love crafting. I have so many creative ideas that I'd love to carry out but can't. I have an entire room dedicated to crafts in the hope that one day I will be well enough to do stuff. When I am experiencing a flare up crafting tends to make it worse. Doesn't matter what I do, it just causes me to flare. So sad as I have dreams of creating a business fueled by handmade goodies... Definitely still just a dream :(

Cleaning

My dermatologist actually wrote me out a certificate last June to say that I am unable to carry out household cleaning. As you can imagine everyone has been wanting to photocopy that and put in their own name. But the things is, I would clean if I could. Hell, my first job was cleaning my school for nearly 3 years! My allergies to dust are so severe that it brings me out instantly. Recently I've had to stop hoovering because it has created more dust settlement.

Travelling

This one also takes it out of me probably due to the stress of the situation. It can take me days to recover. I'd love to go to America but I honestly don't know if I could do it without scratching myself to death by the time I got there. Similarly, hot countries are out of the question because of the heat induced urticaria. It often annoys me when people say they're dreaming of sun bathing on a beach in *please insert hot country of choice* because I know that would actually be my worst nightmare.

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Wow. This post ended up being incredibly more lengthy than was intended but hopefully it gives more of an understanding as to why I can't do certain things. If anyone needs more of an explanation I'm more than willing to give it. You can also see how my condition has completely warped my identity, who I was, and the steps I have had to take just to cope, and why I am how I am now.

If you're an eczema sufferer what things have you had to give up?

Living With Eczema: Part 2

The thing that people don't seem to realise with eczema is that it really can be so severe that it is classed as a disability.

In my individual case, my skin gets so sore and weepy that I can't put clothing on because it just makes it all the more worse, in both the sense of heat, and also because it irritates and dries out my skin further. When the skin weeps it often dries with fibres stuck inside it, which is not exactly helpful to the wounds to have a foreign body lodged within them. So I find my best way to deal with a bad flare is to just spend the day being naked. This itself causes a whole array of problems with health and safety and the fact that I cannot leave the house, or generally carry out day-to-day activities. Walking about can also be difficult if it is bad on the backs of my knees and bending down and such is even worse.

It isn't just because of the fact that I need to remain naked that it causes problems. When I am in such a bad state (you must have seen videos of little children on Youtube crying because of the itching and pain) I am going through the exact same thing. I am in torment because of the itching and pain as at the time there is just no escape, once it has you in its grips, it has you good. It means I am unable to summon the will or the physical ability to do anything because it has such a hold over me. Now for many people who simply say, just don't scratch, or whatever... it just isn't that simple at all.

From what I can assume, and from how others have described how they think it is, a lot of people have the belief that it must be similar to a rash, or insect bite where you can't stop scratching it. In a way yes, it is like this, but at the same time it's so much more complex. Firstly, the itch isn't confined to just one area, it spreads like wildfire all over your body. Secondly, their scratching usually won't cause deep gouges, scratch marks, weeping skin or scabs; it will just remain as a red rash.

The other thing people, friends, acquaintances, even close friends, do not realise is how long it will actually take for me to get up and ready. I know I touched on this briefly in Part 1 but I didn't go into its full extent as much as I intended to. A day where I know I will have work, for example a 5pm-9pm shift, will have me waking up at around 8am, showering and spending the entire day slathering myself in moisturiser just so I know I can be comfortable in my clothing. That is an entire day completely wasted because of my extremely necessary routines which is incredibly scary to think about.

Coming home from work is no different. As soon as I walk through the door I'm in the shower, spending a large amount of time just laying in the bath tub trying to relax myself. I then cover myself in moisturiser for the rest of the evening and turn in for bed. The next day is either usually spent carrying out the exact same routine, or as a recovery day, where I will spend the day trying to preen my skin to a comfortable state for work the following day.

It ain't a good way to live, but it's how I have to live unfortunately. The days where I have to quickly carry out my routine are the days where I definitely pay for it later on. I generally end up spending days and days trying to recover again.

So there you have it. Those who don't have eczema or a chronic illness may consider yourselves so lucky that you are able to work a full time job and balance your busy social and family life. I know that I took it all for granted at the times when I was well enough.

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