Giving Up Is For Life - Not Just For Lent

My friend Hannah found herself inspired by my blog and recently created her own to raise awareness to chronic illnesses in general, and to discuss her own conditions. You can find her here: http://theretiredbridgeburner.blogspot.co.uk/

She made a post yesterday talking about the things that she has had to give up doing or have restricted her from being able to do. Instead of writing a comment, I thought I would talk about things that have impacted my own life from having severe eczema.

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Socialising

This is one of the things that has affected me the most, and is especially bad during periods where I'm at my worst. It's also these times when you find out who your real friends are as when you're on your own for what feels seems like a constant basis you become incredibly lonely and this can be self destructive if you let it be. A simple "how are you today?" suffices, as although you know you'll probably not be alright, having someone asking means the world, as it means they're thinking about you.

Akin to this, when I am at my worst and unable to leave the house but have made plans for certain events, having to cancel can be excruciating. It causes worry on my behalf that I'm letting the other people down, which in turn makes me worse, but if I do go to these events when I am experiencing a flare I know that it will cost me days to repair myself again.

Since having become allergic to fur bearing animals this can also be difficult as well as it means I am unable to go to other people's houses for fear that I will suffer a severe allergic reaction. Many people don't seem to consider the idea that I may require hospitalisation if a reaction was to occur and so I tend to have to skip events or ask for a more neutral setting which can cause unnecessary stress on both parts. It's also a real shame because I love animals, especially cats :(

Exercising

I've never been big on exercise but having heat induced urticaria has made it so much worse. Even walking around can be difficult, especially if I need to go up a hill. (I'm looking at you Lincoln Steep Hill!) Even swimming, which I used to do a hell of a lot of as a child, is out of the question as the chlorine affects my skin something chronic. It actually feels as though I'm having acid chucked at me and the drying-out of the skin affect is tenfold. Not ideal.


Going to Gigs/ Festivals

This is another one that saddens me. I used to give my all, sing and dance along to my faves like a complete loon, often while getting drunk. This just can't happen any more. Gigs are such hot and sweaty environments as it is without adding extra annoyances to my skin. So nowadays I tend to be selective of the gigs I do attend. Not just because of the effects on my skin, but also the driving factor... I get so tired, not necessarily because of the medication I take, but because of the level of bad health I have anyway.

Festivals are also a complete no-go for me now. Or at least the camping side of them. I've been attending Bloodstock Open Air since 2006 with 3 of the years being bearably fine to not have a shower everyday. Since my eczema took hold I can't even go a single day without washing the build up of skin and such off my body. I was fortunate to find a cafe nearby that offered a shower, albeit a rather disgusting shower, but it was still a step up from the portable ones at the festival. The lady who worked in the cafe was completely understanding about my condition and allowed me to have my showers for free. She is a complete sweetheart and I always attempt to pay her a visit for a nice cooked breakfast!

It's not just the shower aspect that does me in, it's the heat and humidity of the tent that also messes me up and the fact that I can't stick to strict routines with my skin. I mean, it takes me hours to get ready when I'm bad anyway so to add all the festival factors into the mix just isn't possible.

I now stay in a hotel.

Intimacy

I find intimacy to play a huge part with my skin. The heat of another person, even just sharing a bed with me is often too much to bare. Luckily we now live in a large enough house that if I am having a bad turn, which seems to be at least once a week right now, then Shane has somewhere else to sleep.


Work

When I was younger I was pretty manic. I woke up at 6am every day, went to college for 9am, picking friends up on the way, where I did an intense Foundation Art course, finished at 4:30pm, and worked until 10pm most nights of the week. Now I'm lucky if I can get through a 6hr shift at work. It really saddens me that I'll probably never be able to carry out a full-time roll again as I'm not one to want to sit on my backside day in, day out. I want to be out there making my own pennies, getting the most from life... but it just isn't meant to be :(


What I Can Wear

Back in't day I used to be somewhat of a Goth. I used to frequent corsets and long floaty skirts, adorned in black and dark colours. I had black hair and a face full of make up. I miss that version of me. I was a shy girl but my clothes didn't say that at all. Ah well.

Nowadays, although I still have something of a penchant for black clothes I tend to avoid them unless I'm having a good skin day because the skin dandruff can be pretty damn embarrassing. I also find that I can't wear scarves or necklaces because they irritate my neck something chronic. Annoying because I have a massive collection of gorgeous necklaces that I just stare at in wonder and lust! I also have to avoid light or pastelly colours generally as these also highlight my condition which is annoying because they'd mask the dandruff!

I also can't wear much make-up any more. Liquid liner and eye shadows are certainly out of the question as they now cause burning and weeping of my eyelids. Foundation just clings to the flakes and exacerbates the situation so that is also a no-go plus I think it is better for the skin to breathe. Nowadays I will wear mascara, brow pencil and a teeny bit of eyeliner at the edges of my eyes, but even then sometimes I can't do that either.

Crafting

I absolutely love crafting. I have so many creative ideas that I'd love to carry out but can't. I have an entire room dedicated to crafts in the hope that one day I will be well enough to do stuff. When I am experiencing a flare up crafting tends to make it worse. Doesn't matter what I do, it just causes me to flare. So sad as I have dreams of creating a business fueled by handmade goodies... Definitely still just a dream :(

Cleaning

My dermatologist actually wrote me out a certificate last June to say that I am unable to carry out household cleaning. As you can imagine everyone has been wanting to photocopy that and put in their own name. But the things is, I would clean if I could. Hell, my first job was cleaning my school for nearly 3 years! My allergies to dust are so severe that it brings me out instantly. Recently I've had to stop hoovering because it has created more dust settlement.

Travelling

This one also takes it out of me probably due to the stress of the situation. It can take me days to recover. I'd love to go to America but I honestly don't know if I could do it without scratching myself to death by the time I got there. Similarly, hot countries are out of the question because of the heat induced urticaria. It often annoys me when people say they're dreaming of sun bathing on a beach in *please insert hot country of choice* because I know that would actually be my worst nightmare.

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Wow. This post ended up being incredibly more lengthy than was intended but hopefully it gives more of an understanding as to why I can't do certain things. If anyone needs more of an explanation I'm more than willing to give it. You can also see how my condition has completely warped my identity, who I was, and the steps I have had to take just to cope, and why I am how I am now.

If you're an eczema sufferer what things have you had to give up?