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Tuesday, 7 May 2013

Summer Days: Eczema (Warning: Deep Post)

So the sun is shining, the last couple of days have been serene and beautiful... but I'm not allowed to enjoy it... according to my skin anyway!

I envy those people who's eczema gets better in the sun shine weather. Mine just gets worse and worse. Everything about the sunny weather just destroys me. The heat is too much that I get itchy and irritable and come out in hives; the abundance of UV rays means high factor sun cream which dries out my poor skin; not to mention the emergence of insects that act as irritants! It's bad enough to near-constantly feel as though I have millions of tiny insects crawling all over my body, but to have it actually happen makes that sensation all the worse!

I find myself tearing my poor skin to shreds because I just cannot get comfortable. Summer is literally hell on earth for me but I wish it wasn't. I want nothing more than to enjoy soaking some of the sun up through my Vitamin D deficient skin but those times are just distant memories, what with now taking immunosuppressants that make the risks of getting the likes of skin cancer that much greater.

I yearn for my youth for when I could paddle in the sea on a summers day, without feeling the sheer agony of sea salt driving itself into fresh wounds; for reading a good book in the sun trap that is the garden; for going on sun lit adventures; and most earnestly to just feel god damn comfortable in my own sodding skin.

I miss being normal.

I think that's what makes it worse for me. I've always had eczema but I've never suffered from it as much as I suffer now. It was always manageable and easy to rectify. Life gave me a taste of what it is to live but I have so many regrets that I've taken the life I had prior to this for granted. I'll never get back these past few years of my "prime" where I could have really made something for myself. We are only on this earth for a blink of an eye after all.

In short: you can't miss what you've never had, but if you were lucky enough to experience life beforehand make the bloody most of it. Life is too short.

4 comments :

  1. Poor you. I feel exactly the same. The heat ruins my skin, I can almost hear eczema bubbling up on my skin when the weathers like this. I think I have PMLE as well which is more of the same, rash rash rash. So basically I can't go out in it. I too was better when I was younger(isn't it meant to be the other way round?)and I miss being able to enjoy the beach without the sea & sand massacring me, sit out in the garden without the grass and sun causing itchy ugly rashes. I'm so jealous of my friends with their little shorts and dresses and holidays abroad. I feel like a freak. Xxx

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    1. I just googled PMLE and it kinda looks similar to what I get... I think my skin wants to have ALL THE CONDITIONS! Haha XD Yeah it's weird how a lot of young kids with severe eczema grow out of it, and then there's us who grow into it. & it's OK at least we have each other :') lol xx

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  2. I totally understand. Heat, especially damp heat, is terrible. And you want to join people having fun outside but you can't. I have been there too.

    Concerning vitamin D--have you had your level tested? If it is truly low, you could take supplements. Then at least you wouldn't feel guilty about not going outside. My understanding is that the risk of getting skin cancer from too much sun far, far outweighs any benefit from vitamin D, which we get from fortified food anyway.

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    1. Damp heat is the worst! Ugh. There is nothing more horrible :(

      I haven't had my Vit D levels tested, no. I only really added about the Vitamin D because I am more than likely deficient because my skin barely ever gets to look at the sun. Another trip to the doctors for me then :p

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